It's official, I am too fat for myself. I am not happy this fat, I never will be, and I am always uncomfortable and in pain. I weighed in this AM at 312.0lb, which is better than 316 but not a whole lot for a few months loss. I am seriously so sick of being fat, if that's possible for anyone to understand.
I wish I never had to deal with this, being overweight sucks, I don't even know how it snuck up on me really. I mean I know I don't choose the healthiest foods in the world, but really, I don't eat that much more(or worse) than some of my friends who are 110lbs sopping wet, and we probably get the same amount of exercise. I just don't get it.
My back hurts, it hurts so bad when I sit for too long, or when I first get out of bed. my knees creak when I go up the stairs, are you kidding me, I'm 23, not 83! That should not be happening. I am so uncomfortable that it actually hurts me to work out. I can't focus on exercise when my body is so sore.
I have more stress these days I think than any 23 year old should have. I have so many bills, so many bill collectors calling me 30 times a day, and not enough money at this job to pay them all. I feel stuck, or lost in the shuffle. I think alot of my issues are relating to stress. I think my back pain might be part stress/part excess weight, and I am miserable. It's hard to sum up my feelings in this blog but more than anything, I just need to get help. I don't know where to start, I have tried exercise,dieting,everything. I think today is just a crappy day and I want to bitch about how much my life sucks (well not my life just being overweight, bills, and stress). Anyways, ignore this post I guess I just wanted to get it all out there, I feel so much better even now!
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Oh baby I know exactly how you feel and I wish I had some magic answer for you but I don't. I have fought the weight battle, the bill battle and the stress battle my whole life and I have yet to find a solution. But I have found a way to make it a bit easier to handle. I take it one day at a time. I try not to beat myself up. I try to live in the moment and look at the good things in my life. It's really hard some days when I am dragging this fat butt across campus, I have bills due and the stress of school, teenagers, oh heck just life is smacking me right across the face... But those are the moments I have to remember to breathe. Take that deep breath, count your blessings and go on with your day. I can't promise that you will lose weight or that the bills will get paid off or the stress with disappear, but I can tell you that it is a whole lot easier to handle when I take it one day, and sometimes just one moment at a time...
You are a beautiful women and a wonderful Mother. Loves!
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