It's official....I'm TOO f*cking FAT!

It's official, I am too fat for myself. I am not happy this fat, I never will be, and I am always uncomfortable and in pain. I weighed in this AM at 312.0lb, which is better than 316 but not a whole lot for a few months loss. I am seriously so sick of being fat, if that's possible for anyone to understand.
I wish I never had to deal with this, being overweight sucks, I don't even know how it snuck up on me really. I mean I know I don't choose the healthiest foods in the world, but really, I don't eat that much more(or worse) than some of my friends who are 110lbs sopping wet, and we probably get the same amount of exercise. I just don't get it.
My back hurts, it hurts so bad when I sit for too long, or when I first get out of bed. my knees creak when I go up the stairs, are you kidding me, I'm 23, not 83! That should not be happening. I am so uncomfortable that it actually hurts me to work out. I can't focus on exercise when my body is so sore.
I have more stress these days I think than any 23 year old should have. I have so many bills, so many bill collectors calling me 30 times a day, and not enough money at this job to pay them all. I feel stuck, or lost in the shuffle. I think alot of my issues are relating to stress. I think my back pain might be part stress/part excess weight, and I am miserable. It's hard to sum up my feelings in this blog but more than anything, I just need to get help. I don't know where to start, I have tried exercise,dieting,everything. I think today is just a crappy day and I want to bitch about how much my life sucks (well not my life just being overweight, bills, and stress). Anyways, ignore this post I guess I just wanted to get it all out there, I feel so much better even now!

so this sucks....

yep, I fell off the bandwagon for a little while, and it shows. I weighed myself this morning, and I wanted to cry. I am back up to 316.1lbs. This week though I have been trying alot more to consciously watch what I am eating! I am so proud of myself I cooked dinner 3 days in a row! Big accomplishment for me. and one of the nights we had a delicious Chicken Salad with cucumbers and carrots and cheese and this super yummy dressing called green goddess. It's a kraft dressing, it's amazing! Anyways, I am going to sign up for a biggest loser challenge with my Bestie amber and her mom on july 31st. We all put in 20 bucks and they try to get 20 people to join. Then we all have to work out, eat better, and lose weight. At the end of 3 months, we all weigh in and the person with the highest percentage of weight loss wins the pot, which if there is 20 people, it's about 400 bucks :). I hope this will give me the extra motivation I need to get busy on the weight loss.
We have had quite a few stresses lately and honestly, I can say that is the most likely cause of my weight gain. I know I eat more crappy foods and more often when I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. We are moving this weekend and next, and then we have made a decision to do something that is both going to hurt and benefit us financially, and hopefully after all of this my stress will be alleviated tremendously.I will try to post more often, it's just so hard to find time in this wild ride we call life!

Chuggin along!

Well I haven't busted through yet, but I am only 3 pounds from hitting the below 300 goal I started with! If only I had some time to get to the gym that would help, but I am proud to say I just finished my yummy salad with cucumbers and some shredded cheese, and a chicken breast! I am really trying! I want to be prepregnancy weight before may 16th!!!!!! I So officially I am at 303.2lbs, so I am gonna get there! I have to get to 293 to be preprego weight! I need someone to root for me! thanks for reading!

Wow where has the time gone....looks like I am the biggest Loser, cuz I didn't even get close to losing 20lbs this month...as a matter of fact I do believe I haven't gained nor loss, could be better or could be worse. I really need to start trying harder though, maybe when we get taxes back I will buy myself an elliptical so I can't have the excuse that there is no time to go to the gym lol. Not too mention being strapped for money and bills piling up it's hard to focus on losing weight. We are also planning a wedding that should be happening on May 16th! I just have so much going on, and I am a really bad emotional eater, so it has been a challenge to avoid eating things just out of boredom, or due to stress.